A while back I found out my brother broke up with his girlfriend, and when I talked to him today, he was nonchalant about it. It's like he realized all along that he didn't want a relationship at all.
He told me of the friendships he had forsaken for her and he regretted doing so.
He told me of how she couldn't accept him completely for who he is and it always frustrated him because he always tried to accept her for everything that she is.
He told me of how eventually he felt obliged rather than willing.
He told me that they were incompatible.
He told me he flat out broke up with her and refused to stay in contact with her, because no matter how cruel he is being, the faster he does it the faster she gets over him.
For all of the above, I've been there and done that bro, and I completely agree.
Oh the pessimists that we are. Haha.
I can't even bring myself to like anyone anymore. It's like if I feel the slightest bit of interest towards anyone, I will automatically withdraw and stop myself.
):
Jitters
School is starting next Tuesday, and I'm feeling the nervousness. I just received an email from the TA for my Business, Government and Society class and well, everything sounds so serious and it's just a whack in my head to let me know that hey, university is REALLY starting, no joke. It sounds like the first few weeks are gonna be busy already and this is only one out of four courses ._.
Furthermore I am making plans to commit myself to a lot more things that I hope I can handle. I still want to hold on to my MBS work shifts to earn the extra cash, I registered for dance lessons with Wei Yan and she wants it twice a week, I still have organ with the exam due November and my teacher reminding me constantly that it's rare to pass this grade with one try ._.
To add on to that I still want to join a CCA of course. It'll either be back to Fencing for me or a new sports.
After that i STILL want to join another club CCA LOL.
Kill me naoooooo.
Oh and I got soooo pissed when I saw that several lessons for BGS were shifted to Saturdays, because HEY that's my working date! ):
My $$!! Haha!
I am pretty certain that SMU is more expensive than NTU in terms of campus life (although SMU has no proper campus). The food, the course (Biz vs Psyc = more presentations or formal wear or whatttt), the lessons (because Studio Wu is so conveniently at SMU basement)... etc.
My brain is pretty fried now because so many things are happening at one go and I was used to such slack stimulation and a fixed schedule, i.e. eat, sleep, go work, eat, sleep again, go out with friends.
Now I've got a lot of admin stuff to settle with SMU, textbooks to buy, commitments to handle. To add on to that I've got so many talks to go to because I missed them. Darn!
AND, why the heck am I still a registered student in NTU?! Why the heck did I receive smses asking me to go register for NTU ezlink card. Why the heck am I still able to add/drop courses in NTU?
I hope they faster process so they won't end up charging me school fees from NTU -.- that'll be some messed up shit.
Ugh. They just won't let me forget what I gave up ._. it's still bittersweet to me yknow. Seeing that I have to study about the economy when really, I'm honestly more interested to learn about memories and cognitive psychology.
But I guess I don't have the confidence that I will want to practice psychology my whole life. Business kinda opens me to a lot more prospects and jobs that I will probably enjoy more.
I have so many post-its on my macbook and they all say the same things over and over again LOL.
I have a tendency to keep creating them because I don't do them.
Today we're going to visit Tivona, most likely, at CJ, and I'll collect my cert. Hoping that I'll meet some of my teachers! ^^
Too many things to do, too little time. In some ways, you giving up on us was a good idea, wasn't it?
Or was it me giving up on us?
Yeah, it was my efforts that faltered.
But when you asked me for my answer, the one I had in mind was to keep trying.
Yet there was no point because you were tired, too, tired enough to want to give up.
I am keeping this blog regardless of whether or not there are viewers. I just kinda want to keep a track of my life, because when I read back to my archives there were a lot of memories that I barely remember, but I'm glad I noted down (:
I think I like what is bad for me.
I like potato chips and snacks of the same caliber.
I like salty ramen and cup noodles.
I like being super messy and disorganized and i think that's the best condition in which i can easily find my things in.
I like lazing around and eating non-stop before the computer.
I like guys.
I like guys who are unpredictable, thrilling, and never leaves me at complete ease when I'm with them. I like guys who leave me hanging because it makes me want them more. I sincerely hope it's just a phase.
D:
This is so surreal.
Okay so what happened was this. I was on my way to NTU on a bright sunny Wednesday morning, 3rd August, to attend the welcome ceremony which would kick off my Psychology academic life at NTU. On the jam-packed MRT, I received a phone call at around 9. So it went a little like this.
Me: Hello?
Woman: Hi, is this Michelle?
Me: Yes?
Woman: We are calling from SMU. You made an appeal to the Business course, yes?
Me: Yeah?
Woman: Your appeal is successful. Would you like to accept the offer?
Me: Successful?!?! (the fuck)
Woman: Yes.
Me: Uh when would I need to confirm my decision?
Woman: By today actually. Can I call back at around 10?
Me: (hell no!!)
And so in the welcome ceremony I was too preoccupied to actually listen. In the end I chose to go over to SMU so I'm now a fully matriculated business student in SMU.
It did make me sad when NTU sent an email wishing me all the best and stating that I need to submit a withdrawal form. It's like bittersweet. Although Business was what i wanted all along, I had grown accustomed to the idea of studying Psychology and pursuing a career in it, it sounded so interesting too.
So I made a life changing decision and basically I have abandoned my Psych dream forever ;/ dramatic as it sounds, it probably is true. I have in fact changed the whole course of my life because I'm goign to a completely different university, different cultures, different friends... all I can pray and hope for is that I will make this decision the right one.
Even though now I do have a little regrets here and then. Like when I have to go through the bidding experience and see the words 'Calculus' and 'Financial Accounting' appearing in my schedule instead of 'Biological Psychology' or 'Forensic Psychology', and when I'm reminded how competitive SMU's students will be, I often tend to sit back and wonder if staying in NTU might be the right decision.
But I made my choice so I'll suck it up no matter what! haha.
And because Wei Yan kept scaring me and saying SMU girls are super well-dressed, I accompanied her to go shopping and bought a few tops and this pair of brown boots that I really like! It's those boots with laces and rugged soles, a bit army-ish and well, idk how to describe! Maybe I'll take a picture when I have time and edit this post.
I liked this pair but they didn't have my size so Wei Yan took it since it was her size.. I found another one at another shop at a more expensive price, and more lacking in design.. ): oh well but it's more comfy. Haha.
I said before I wanted high top sneakers, I guess this pair of boots will be its replacement :)
Anyway my Zara boots are kinda falling apart despite my attempts to keep them together with notsotrusty super glue.
