Mow.

When I see you, I still feel little flutters and I still feel too self-conscious. Much more than it should be.
When I know you wouldn't be with us, some part of me still feels disappointed.
I hardly ever think of you anymore, but sometimes when I do meet you, what you do can change my day much more than I am willing to accept.
Sometimes, I regret acting rather impulsively and pushing you away.
But there was no way I could have tried to be selfish and keep you either.
Things have changed so much and I admit, I do miss us. How we used to be close, how we used to hang out, how I made it so obvious that I was into you, and you never resisted any of those clues, instead behaving like you liked the idea too.
I guess that's all in the past now.


I am so disappointed in myself recently. It always feels like I have so much to improve on. My grades, fencing, everything. They are so... average. Maybe I expect too much of myself.
Yes, I did win individual silver and team gold for FM open. But when I watch videos of myself fence, I feel so embarrassed. Like I'm not good enough. Like I don't deserve it.
So much to improve on.
I guess what's left to do now, is to pick up enough strength to work on it.

posted by Michelle @ 1:33 AM