Mow.

Efforts never seem to pay off sometimes, huh.
Sucks to think that you might have tried so hard only to get nothing in return, while others played by luck and got their results.
Especially sucky when you realize that minimal amount in which they beat you by, could make such a fucking huge difference that you feel the need to... just give up.
Not knowing where you went wrong. Never going to know. Because it's over and it's independent on its own, there will hardly be anything else like that experience in which you can apply what you should have learned from mistakes.
And it pretty much sucks when you realize you have no idea what you are supposed to learn.
Except maybe accepting that, you just can't be as good as some people. No matter how you try.
And it gets even better, you realize that you didn't just screw up some part of your life, you have also screwed up someone's expectations and hopes of you. And the reality hits you that there is no way you can ever reverse this or ever redeem yourself because you will never be involved with that other party again. This was your only chance to prove that their regard of you was not misplaced, but you fucked it up, and it will always remain like that for as long as either of you remember.

That fucking burns.

posted by Michelle @ 11:52 PM