Mow.

what shall be the title?

Yesterday's J1 Retreat was... long. 14 hours of reflection! My legs nearly died from sitting almost non-stop for 13 hours (1 hour for lunch+dinner).
But I guess I did learn a couple of stuff. Such as, if you want to be patient, God doesn't make you so, he gives you the OPPORTUNITY to be patient.
That one was memorable. The rest are kind of vague, lol.
They had these envelopes for everyone to pin up on the notice board, to allow others to leave 'mail', little messages of love.
And it was fun because some of us went around being good Samaritans and looking for envelopes with barely nothing inside. We found one with nothing at all D: so we dropped a couple of notes.

And this is where I learnt a personal lesson on my own, besides being kind.
See, when I took back my envelope, there was this stalker-ish message that goes: "I've always been looking at you. xoxo"
Somehow, I think people would be more willing to believe that he cockeyed and put it in the wrong envelope (bcos the one beside mine belongs to a pretty girl, and we saw a bunch of guys gather at one point to leave notes), or that he meant it for fun like, just writing random messages and leaving them at random envelopes.
They'd rather believe that than think that it was genuinely meant for me.
It doesn't take a lot of people for me to know they'd think that way, just one or two was enough.
And I realize that, I can't blame them AT ALL, because fact is, I was the first to think that way.
And because of that, I had two realizations yesterday:

1. I have no confidence in myself at all. Then how can I expect people to be confident of me? No one is allowed to make me feel inferior, that's like an official human right or something, haha. Yet I let that happen. Why?
Most of the time too, the other party is actually really nice - applicable to this case :) So that I'm the one putting myself down. And that's the absolute worst form of inferiority, when it comes from yourself.
If I want people to respect me, I better respect myself.

2. This particular guy I've known for more than two years. He had said a lot a lot of nice things, simple ones like, "You're pretty." or "You're special." and I might not have believed it then, but I know he really meant them, and he never wanted me to change for anything or anyone. It was just nice to know there's someone besides God who'll always think that you're beautiful.
But 'always' is over now, I guess.
I'm not going to say my decision was wrong, but I do feel bad for whatever I've said.
And I do miss him, at least, just as a friend.

Anyways, haha, something funny happened during fencing on Friday.
Me and Carissa lied and completely tricked Niko, confused Monisha and nearly tricked Soong Teck, by saying we were from 1T28. Caleb's class, and that we took BCME combination.
Such is the power of persistence, that Niko began to believe she saw me during her H2 chem lecture, Soong Teck believed he saw the wrong person during his lit lecture, and Monisha really thought I didn't take lit.
And Carissa is awesome at lying, I just had to look at her for two seconds and she knew instantly wht to do. Hahaha.
Soong Teck was horrified that we were such awesome liars, and decided to find out everyone's classes first.
Annabel said she's from 1T35 and he trusted her, then he asked Niko if she's from 1T32 and she was like nuuuu that's Annabel's class! Then he got horrified all over again but after that found out Niko made a msitake.

He never wanted to trust girls again after that two incidents.
He thinks we are scary creatures.
:D

Few days back Caleb sent me a World Stealing day sms, and it was so random and funny.
It's like if you could steal something from that person, what would you steal?
Lol.

posted by Michelle @ 12:04 PM